Sir Fat Albert Haynesworth

I've been struggling about the signing of Sir Albert ever since it went down last week and I finally have come to the realization that it was perhaps the best big ticket signing the Skins have made under owner "Deep Pockets" Dan (or should I say "Deep Pockets" fans).

Deion and Jason Taylor sucked, Portis has been an injury plagued good player, but we had to give up the best CB in the league at the time, Santana Moss has been good only if he were our 2nd wr and if I'm missing any others it's b/c they sucked as well. It basically seems once a high ticket free agent puts on the burgundy and gold they forget what sport they're playing. I'm sure it has to do a lot with the amount of money they just got. So assuming Sir Fat Al remembers that his job is to go hit people and not think about how many big macs he can buy for $100m then we should be in good shape.

So here are the reasons why I think Deep Pockets Dan may have actually spent our money well, albeit not to his knowledge:

First, the Skins have not had a notable Dlineman since the Charles Mann, Dave Butz, Darryl Grant and Dexter Manley era. (I actually had to google to remember Daryl Grant, the 4th Dlineman during that time.) Really though! Think about it. Who have the Skins had since that era that comes to your mind? Exactly. No one. And I can't remember the Skins ever being able to stop any running back since then. Therefore, no matter how many point you score on offense, which hasn't been many, you're not gonna win if the other team just comes right back and jams the ball down your throat time and time again.

Second, games are said to be won and lost in the trenches and I'm a firm believer of that. Getting a bit more granular I even think having a run stopping Dlineman is much more important than a Dend and more important than any offensive lineman. Yes, including the left tackle and center. When you have a Dlineman that commands double team respect, not only does he make the rest of the Dline shine, but now the Linebackers can shoot the gaps to plug the holes. And if the qb decides to pass, well then now we are able to get to him a bit faster, disrupting the patterns of the wr's..

Third, this continues to blow my mind, but somehow the salary cap doesn't seem to apply to the Skins, so why not throw $100m at some big fat guy. (Side note: It's obvious fat people are more fun to watch anyway. As a matter of fact, it's more fun to watch a fat person do anything over a skinny person.) Ok, back to where I was... I guess when you have that much money you are able to structure a players salary so that it doesn't affect the cap or limit the team from other signings. I think this is done by front loading the contracts, but who knows and who cares. The only important thing is that they are able to sign who ever they want and that the season ticket holders continue to pay those ridiculous prices. Not to mention continue to drink $12 beers through out the game. Sometimes I wonder if more money is made on the tickets or the concessions?? If you calculate how much you spend on transportation, food, drinks, the big foam finger on your hand, the helmet with no facemask and the cost of the other apparel you're wearing then I bet it comes pretty damn close to the cost of your ticket.

Fourth, as for Sir Albert himself. Yes, he's injury prone, but what player isn't. Any player at any time can get injured. See Tom Brady. Yes, he has never played a full season, but this guy gets eatin alive on every play of every game. If the skins were smart, they have some protection in the contract about the number of games he plays, but again I don't really care about the money. I just care about the production. This fat guy got double teamed every game last year, when he played, and still ended the season with 51 tackles and 8.5 sacks in 14 games. But it's not really his stats that are why you pay this guy $100m. It's b/c he made Kyle Vanden Bosch look like Superman and Keith Bullock like the incredible hulk. Now I think both of these guys are very good players, however, I will guarantee both of those guys numbers drop drastically without Sir Fat Albert.

Now I would have liked for the Skins to have kept Jason Taylor and let the guy just run straight at the Qb every play. Even on running plays. I wouldn't have cared if the RB waived to Taylor with the ball in his hand and Taylor waived back without tackling him. As long as he hit the crap out of the QB on every play. That being said, I never really felt like Jason Taylor was a Redskin. He actually seemed to fit in better with the cheerleaders than the players. Maybe his dancing had something to do with that, but it was hard to take him as a player seriously. His injuries were just the icing on the cake.

So now I'm excited, thanks to Sir Fat Albert, to find out who else plays on the Dline since now maybe their name will get called on the loud speaker more than just for the pre-game introductions. I wonder if we have a player on our team with a cool Dutch last name also.